Have you ever wanted to feel like a monarch, an Arab sheik, a Hollywood celebrity or some other filthy rich ass? If you have, this is your lucky day because below is a list of 10 locations where – given enough champagne to dumb the “God I just blew my retirement money away” thought – you will experience what it’s like to be absurdly rich.
However, since I reckon you’re not a member of that elite caste (they probably have funnier things to do than reading my article) you’re most likely to have a more limited budget so read and chose carefully.
10. Lanesborough, London
PRICE PER NIGHT: $14,658
At $14,658 a night the Royal Suite at the Lanesborough in London seems a real bargain. After all, you get windows that overlook the Constitutional Arch and the Buckingham Palace, three bedrooms (perhaps they want you to bring your college buddies for spring break?) that come with luxurious linens and four-poster beds. It’s last place in the ranking may be explained only by the bathroom which is a tad old fashioned, with its hand-painted cast iron bathtub and an inlaid marble floor. Good thing the suit has a dining area, study, and drawing room, a kitchen and discreet staff who stand by for your whims. This being England, a 24/7 butler-on-demand is included in the price.
9. Burj al Arab, Dubai
PRICE FOR NIGHT: $14,976
If you find London a bit too gloomy why not try something sunnier?
The Burj al Arab hotel in Dubai, UAE is just a touch pricier at $14,976 but its Royal Suite (wouldn’t Sheik Digs sound less pretentious?) has all the sun you want. Plus this two-story, 8,400-square-foot suite offers a view of the Arabian sea, mahogany furniture, marble flooring, dining and lounge areas. When you get dizzy from lying on the rotating four-poster bed in the master bedroom watch the Lonely Tunes in the suite’s private cinema. The bath (marble, of course) comes stocked with products from Hermes. Did I mention the butler?
8. InterContinental London Park Lane, London
PRICE PER NIGHT: $17,500
A full office, dining room, three living rooms and five bedrooms, and the usual buttler are all impressive but the outstanding feature of this – yes, you got it – Royal Suite is the monstrously huge bed in the master bedroom. At InterContinental London Park Lane you have to cough up $17,500 for the opportunity to share your bed with 9 other people. I mean what’s the point? I had that experience for $30 in a NYC hostel – trust me, it’s overrated. Why not be straight about it and just call the suite the Orgy Central Suite and show the action on TV?
No pictures here you pervert:).
7. Hotel Ritz, Paris
PRICE PER NIGHT: $17,556
Can you guess what the next suite is called? Nope, it is not Royal. We are moving to France where people are not renown for modesty, so at the Hotel Ritz in Paris you get no less but the Imperial Suite.
The name is fully deserved though, as the 2,000-square-foot suite recreates the luxury and splendor of Louis XIVth era and the master bedroom is a replica of Marie Antoinette’s sleeping quarters at Versailles. This unfortunately means there are no rotating beds there, just a simple canopied four-poster bed and gold leaf moldings on the walls. Hopefully, the $17,556 per night bill will not decapitate your credit, will it?
6. Martinez Hotel, Cannes
PRICE PER NIGHT: $18,000The people at the Martinez Hotel, at Cannes get two thumbs up for having the guts to put a nice, rounded price tag: $18,000 for the Penthouse Suite will buy you 8,000 square feet of luxury with the usual amenities, a Turkish bath, and an open bar. What makes them exceptional (there are two at the hotel) is the suit’s wraparound terrace with the view of the Bay of Cannes. Each terrace can accommodate 100 guests so with a bit of invention you can share the room and bring the bill down to $180. Serving on all the guest could kill the butler though.
5. Plaza Hotel, New York City
PRICE PER NIGHT: $20,000
Finally to the beacon of democracy, New York City, USA. Although the $20,000 may not be so democratic you’ll find no Royals or Imperials at the Plaza Hotel, just plane and simple Presidential Suite. I mean, can you think of a better place to show off your egalitarian spirit than the entire 18th floor of this splendid NYC hotel? Just think how many people you can fit into its two living rooms, a library, six bedrooms and 7 (seven) bathrooms; if you open up the four balconies to your guests, you can throw a party for half the Bronx! I’m sure the chauffeur that comes with the suite won’t mind picking them up in the suite’s Rolls Royce.
4. President Wilson Hotel, Geneva
PRICE PER NIGHT: $23,000
The cunning inhabitants of Helvetia have managed to stay neutral in all areas, even in the hospitality industry. How else to explain their Royal Suite at the President Wilson Hotel. For $23,000 a night you get the regular share of luxury spread evenly over the 17,000 square feet comprising four bedrooms and six bathrooms (What’s the thing with more bathrooms than bedrooms in luxury suits? I guess the term filthy rich does have a reason).
The Swiss, known for their discreet banking services, throw in a private elevator and a terrace with stunning views of Mont Blanc, Lake Geneva (or Leman for locals) in the deal.
3. Atlantis, the Bahamas
PRICE PER NIGHT: $25,000
For a less discreet and more laid back atmosphere visit the Atlantis hotel in the Bahamas. That’s if you’re not intimidated by marble floors, grand piano, or a 22-karat gold chandelier hanging over your head in the dining room. Nor by the fact that your 10 room Bridge Suite is truly a bridge spanning the two towers of the hotel, floating way up (23rd floor to be precise) in the air over Paradise Island. Price tag is $25,000 and minimum stay is seven days.
2. Westin Excelsior, Rome
PRICE PER NIGHT: $29,254
For more classical surroundings check into Villa Cupola at the Westin Excelsior in Rome. I figure the frescoes, stained glass windows, walnut-paneled library, private kitchen and God knows how many bathrooms are just a smokescreen for the wine cabinet featuring 150 bottles of top quality wines. At $29,254 a night it’s roughly $195 a bottle. AA’s paradise. The morning after, you have two alternatives to cure the ensuing hangover: work it out at your private gym or wait through it on the sundeck overlooking Via Veneto.
1. Palms Fantasy Towers hotel, Las Vegas
PRICE PER NIGHT: $40,000
And the winner – as always – is SEX SEX SEX! I mean why else would people flock to the Sky Villa that Hugh Hefner located in the Sin City? A shower for eight people, eight-foot wide rotating bad and a steam room say it all. The Playboy founder sometimes parties at the Palms Fantasy Towers hotel in Las Vegas himself but if you want to do it it will cost you $40,000 a night and whether the price includes bunnies remains a matter of dispute on the Net, but officially at least it does not. So don’t get too excited just too find out you wasted all the money on two empty floors with a Playboy butler instead of the giggling chicks you were hoping for:
If you do, just cool off in the pool.
Choice is yours
Hope this review will make it easier for you to pick up your next holiday spot. Or at least it will get you really, really frustrated:). Let me know which one it is.